Life is a strange blur at the minute. There are times when I feel fine, and can subside the inevitable shit that’s trapped in my pipeline. If you hold your nose maybe you won’t smell it, and you can just breathe out of your mouth long enough.
If you check in day to day, it’s vastly different. I can be fine all day and then switch after I don’t get a reply, or I linger on one moment too long. It’s insane. Losing your mind is fine if you can do it in a way that doesn’t affect other people, so that’s what I’ve decided to do, to just hold it for myself. Sure there’s counselling and everything and that’s great. It’s great to talk to someone and get it out in the air, but you know, that covers an hour a week. The rest of the time is just bullshit.
To get away from the general shitheap, there are other things can trouble me for a while. Possibilities that I consider every week or so but know I won’t do anything about. There’s an air of mystery I like to have within my own mind. Knowing everything is overrated.
Failing coursework is always a plus. Why would you want to feel like you had your academic life in check when your other sides to your mind are fucked? Might as well keep everything at the same level.
We’ll see what happens.